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The Dogs and the Fox trolley bag luggage

2008-07-02T20:29:00.001-07:00

trolley bag travel bag trolley bag trolley luggage SOME DOGS, finding the skin of a lion, began to tear it in pieceswith their teeth.A Fox, seeing them, said, "If this lion werealive, you would soon find out that his claws were stronger thanyour teeth."
It is easy to kick a man that is down.

The Dog and the Wolf trolley bag luggage

2008-07-02T20:28:00.002-07:00

trolley bag travel bag trolley bag trolley luggage A gaunt Wolf was almost dead with hunger when he happened tomeet a House-dog who was passing by."Ah, Cousin," said the Dog."I knew how it would be; your irregular life will soon be the ruinof you.Why do you not work steadily as I do, and get your foodregularly given to you?"
"I would have no objection," said the Wolf, "if I could onlyget a place."
"I will easily arrange that for you," said the Dog; "come withme to my master and you shall share my work."
So the Wolf and the Dog went towards the town together.Onthe way there the Wolf noticed that the hair on a certain part ofthe Dog's neck was very much worn away, so he asked him how thathad come about.
"Oh, it is nothing," said the Dog."That is only the placewhere the collar is put on at night to keep me chained up; itchafes a bit, but one soon gets used to it."
"Is that all?" said the Wolf."Then good-bye to you, MasterDog."
Better starve free than be a fat slave.

The Shipwrecked Man and the Sea trolley bag luggage

2008-07-02T20:28:00.001-07:00

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A SHIPWRECKED MAN, having been cast upon a certain shore, sleptafter his buffetings with the deep. After a while he awoke, andlooking upon the Sea, loaded it with reproaches. He argued thatit enticed men with the calmness of its looks, but when it hadinduced them to plow its waters, it grew rough and destroyedthem. The Sea, assuming the form of a woman, replied to him:"Blame not me, my good sir, but the winds, for I am by my ownnature as calm and firm even as this earth; but the windssuddenly falling on me create these waves, and lash me into

The Sick Lion trolley bag luggage

2008-07-02T20:27:00.001-07:00

trolley bag travel bag trolley bag trolley luggage A Lion had come to the end of his days and lay sick unto deathat the mouth of his cave, gasping for breath. The animals, hissubjects, came round him and drew nearer as he grew more and morehelpless. When they saw him on the point of death they thought tothemselves: "Now is the time to pay off old grudges." So the Boarcame up and drove at him with his tusks; then a Bull gored himwith his horns; still the Lion lay helpless before them: so theAss, feeling quite safe from danger, came up, and turning his tailto the Lion kicked up his heels into his face. "This is a doubledeath," growled the Lion.
Only cowards insult dying majesty.

The Sick Stag trolley bag luggage

2008-07-02T20:26:00.002-07:00

trolley bag travel bag trolley bag trolley luggage A SICK STAG lay down in a quiet corner of its pasture-ground. His companions came in great numbers to inquire after his health,and each one helped himself to a share of the food which had beenplaced for his use; so that he died, not from his sickness, butfrom the failure of the means of living.
Evil companions bring more hurt than profit.

The Stag at the Pool trolley bag luggage

2008-07-02T20:26:00.001-07:00

trolley bag travel bag trolley bag trolley luggage A STAG overpowered by heat came to a spring to drink. Seeing hisown shadow reflected in the water, he greatly admired the sizeand variety of his horns, but felt angry with himself for havingsuch slender and weak feet. While he was thus contemplatinghimself, a Lion appeared at the pool and crouched to spring uponhim. The Stag immediately took to flight, and exerting hisutmost speed, as long as the plain was smooth and open kepthimself easily at a safe distance from the Lion. But entering awood he became entangled by his horns, and the Lion quickly cameup to him and caught him. When too late, he thus reproachedhimself: "Woe is me! How I have deceived myself! These feet whichwould have saved me I despised, and I gloried in these antlerswhich have proved my destruction."
What is most truly valuable is often underrated.

The Stag in the Ox-Stall trolley bag luggage

2008-07-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

trolley bag travel bag trolley bag trolley luggage A STAG, roundly chased by the hounds and blinded by fear to thedanger he was running into, took shelter in a farmyard and hidhimself in a shed among the oxen. An Ox gave him this kindlywarning: "O unhappy creature! why should you thus, of your ownaccord, incur destruction and trust yourself in the house of yourenemy?' The Stag replied: "Only allow me, friend, to stay where Iam, and I will undertake to find some favorable opportunity ofeffecting my escape." At the approach of the evening the herdsmancame to feed his cattle, but did not see the Stag; and even thefarm-bailiff with several laborers passed through the shed andfailed to notice him. The Stag, congratulating himself on hissafety, began to express his sincere thanks to the Oxen who hadkindly helped him in the hour of need. One of them againanswered him: "We indeed wish you well, but the danger is notover. There is one other yet to pass through the shed, who hasas it were a hundred eyes, and until he has come and gone, yourlife is still in peril." At that moment the master himselfentered, and having had to complain that his oxen had not beenproperly fed, he went up to their racks and cried out: "Why isthere such a scarcity of fodder? There is not half enough strawfor them to lie on. Those lazy fellows have not even swept thecobwebs away." While he thus examined everything in turn, hespied the tips of the antlers of the Stag peeping out of thestraw. Then summoning his laborers, he ordered that the Stagshould be seized and killed.

The Fishermen trolley bag luggage

2008-06-30T19:24:00.001-07:00

trolley bag travel bag trolley bag trolley luggage SOME FISHERMEN were out trawling their nets.Perceiving them tobe very heavy, they danced about for joy and supposed that theyhad taken a large catch.When they had dragged the nets to theshore they found but few fish:the nets were full of sand andstones, and the men were beyond measure cast downso much at thedisappointment which had befallen them, but because they hadformed such very different expectations.One of their company,an old man, said, "Let us cease lamenting, my mates, for, as itseems to me, sorrow is always the twin sister of joy; and it wasonly to be looked for that we, who just now were over-rejoiced,should next have something to make us sad."

The Flea and the Ox trolley bag luggage

2008-06-30T19:23:00.002-07:00

trolley bag travel bag trolley bag trolley luggage A FLEA thus questioned an Ox:"What ails you, that being so hugeand strong, you submit to the wrongs you receive from men andslave for them day by day, while I, being so small a creature,mercilessly feed on their flesh and drink their blood withoutstint?'The Ox replied:"I do not wish to be ungrateful, for I amloved and well cared for by men, and they often pat my head andshoulders.""Woe's me!"said the flea; "this very patting whichyou like, whenever it happens to me, brings with it my inevitabledestruction."

The Flies and the Honey-Pot trolley bag luggage

2008-06-30T19:23:00.001-07:00

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A NUMBER of Flies were attracted to a jar of honey which had beenoverturned in a housekeeper's room, and placing their feet in it,ate greedily.Their feet, however, became so smeared with thehoney that they could not use their wings, nor releasethemselves, and were suffocated.Just as they were expiring,they exclaimed, "O foolish creatures that we are, for the sake ofa little pleasure we have destroyed ourselves."
Pleasure bought with pains, hurts.

The Dove and the Crow trolley bag luggage

2008-06-30T19:22:00.001-07:00

trolley bag travel bag trolley bag trolley luggage A DOVE shut up in a cage was boasting of the large number ofyoung ones which she had hatched.A Crow hearing her, said:"Mygood friend, cease from this unseasonable boasting.The largerthe number of your family, the greater your cause of sorrow, inseeing them shut up in this prison-house."

The Eagle and the Jackdaw trolley bag luggage

2008-06-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

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AN EAGLE, flying down from his perch on a lofty rock, seized upona lamb and carried him aloft in his talons.A Jackdaw, whowitnessed the capture of the lamb, was stirred with envy anddetermined to emulate the strength and flight of the Eagle.Heflew around with a great whir of his wings and settled upon alarge ram, with the intention of carrying him off, but his clawsbecame entangled in the ram's fleece and he was not able torelease himself, although he fluttered with his feathers as muchas he could.The shepherd, seeing what had happened, ran up andcaught him.He at once clipped the Jackdaw's wings, and takinghim home at night, gave him to his children.On their saying,"Father, what kind of bird is it?'he replied, "To my certainknowledge he is a Daw; but he would like you to think an Eagle."

The Eagle and the Fox trolley bag

2008-06-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

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AN EAGLE and a Fox formed an intimate friendship and decided tolive near each other.The Eagle built her nest in the branchesof a tall tree, while the Fox crept into the underwood and thereproduced her young.Not long after they had agreed upon thisplan, the Eagle, being in want of provision for her young ones,swooped down while the Fox was out, seized upon one of the littlecubs, and feasted herself and her brood.The Fox on her return,discovered what had happened, but was less grieved for the deathof her young than for her inability to avenge them.A justretribution, however, quickly fell upon the Eagle.Whilehovering near an altar, on which some villagers were sacrificinga goat, she suddenly seized a piece of the flesh, and carried it,along with a burning cinder, to her nest.A strong breeze soonfanned the spark into a flame, and the eaglets, as yet unfledgedand helpless, were roasted in their nest and dropped down dead atthe bottom of the tree.There, in the sight of the Eagle, theFox gobbled them up.

The Bat and the Weasels trolley bag luggage

2008-06-26T18:32:00.000-07:00

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A BAT who fell upon the ground and was caught by a Weasel pleadedto be spared his life.The Weasel refused, saying that he was bynature the enemy of all birds.The Bat assured him that he wasnot a bird, but a mouse, and thus was set free.Shortlyafterwards the Bat again fell to the ground and was caught byanother Weasel, whom he likewise entreated not to eat him.TheWeasel said that he had a special hostility to mice.The Batassured him that he was not a mouse, but a bat, and thus a secondtime escaped.
It is wise to turn circumstances to good account.

The Bear and the Two Travelers trolley bag luggage

2008-06-26T18:31:00.000-07:00

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TWO MEN were traveling together, when a Bear suddenly met them ontheir path.One of them climbed up quickly into a tree andconcealed himself in the branches.The other, seeing that hemust be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the Bear cameup and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he heldhis breath, and feigned the appearance of death as much as hecould.The Bear soon left him, for it is said he will not toucha dead body.When he was quite gone, the other Travelerdescended from the tree, and jocularly inquired of his friendwhat it was the Bear had whispered in his ear."He gave me thisadvice," his companion replied."Never travel with a friend whodeserts you at the approach of danger."
Misfortune tests the sincerity of friends.

The Ant and the Dove trolley bag luggage

2008-06-26T18:30:00.000-07:00

trolley bag travel bag trolley bag trolley luggage AN ANT went to the bank of a river to quench its thirst, andbeing carried away by the rush of the stream, was on the point ofdrowning.A Dove sitting on a tree overhanging the water pluckeda leaf and let it fall into the stream close to her.The Antclimbed onto it and floated in safety to the bank.Shortlyafterwards a birdcatcher came and stood under the tree, and laidhis lime-twigs for the Dove, which sat in the branches.The Ant,perceiving his design, stung him in the foot.In pain thebirdcatcher threw down the twigs, and the noise made the Dovetake wing.

One good turn deserves another

The Ants and the Grasshopper trolley bag luggage

2008-06-26T18:29:00.000-07:00

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THE ANTS were spending a fine winter's day drying grain collectedin the summertime.A Grasshopper, perishing with famine, passedby and earnestly begged for a little food.The Ants inquired ofhim, "Why did you not treasure up food during the summer?'Hereplied, "I had not leisure enough.I passed the days insinging."They then said in derision:"If you were foolish enoughto sing all the summer, you must dance supperless to bed in thewinter."
It is thrifty to prepare today for the wants of tomorrow

The Ass and His Driver trolley bag luggage

2008-06-26T18:28:00.000-07:00

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AN ASS, being driven along a high road, suddenly started off andbolted to the brink of a deep precipice.While he was in the actof throwing himself over, his owner seized him by the tail,endeavoring to pull him back.When the Ass persisted in hiseffort, the man let him go and said, "Conquer, but conquer toyour cost."

The Dog and the Oyster trolley bag luggage

2008-06-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

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A DOG, used to eating eggs, saw an Oyster and, opening his mouthto its widest extent, swallowed it down with the utmost relish,supposing it to be an egg.Soon afterwards suffering great painin his stomach, he said, "I deserve all this torment, for myfolly in thinking that everything round must be an egg."
They who act without sufficient thought, will often fall intounsuspected danger.

The Dog and the Shadow trolley bag luggage

2008-06-26T18:26:00.000-07:00

trolley bag travel bag trolley bag trolley luggage It happened that a Dog had got a piece of meat and wascarrying it home in his mouth to eat it in peace.Now on his wayhome he had to cross a plank lying across a running brook.As hecrossed, he looked down and saw his own shadow reflected in thewater beneath.Thinking it was another dog with another piece ofmeat, he made up his mind to have that also.So he made a snap atthe shadow in the water, but as he opened his mouth the piece ofmeat fell out, dropped into the water and was never seen more.
Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.

The Bee and Jupiter trolley bag luggage

2008-06-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

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A BEE from Mount Hymettus, the queen of the hive, ascended toOlympus to present Jupiter some honey fresh from her combs. Jupiter, delighted with the offering of honey, promised to givewhatever she should ask.She therefore besought him, saying,"Give me, I pray thee, a sting, that if any mortal shall approachto take my honey, I may kill him."Jupiter was much displeased,for he loved the race of man, but could not refuse the requestbecause of his promise.He thus answered the Bee:"You shallhave your request, but it will be at the peril of your own life. For if you use your sting, it shall remain in the wound you make,and then you will die from the loss of it."
Evil wishes, like chickens, come home to roost.

The Belly and the Members trolley bag luggage

2008-06-26T18:23:00.000-07:00

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One fine day it occurred to the Members of the Body that theywere doing all the work and the Belly was having all the food.Sothey held a meeting, and after a long discussion, decided tostrike work till the Belly consented to take its proper share ofthe work.So for a day or two, the Hands refused to take thefood, the Mouth refused to receive it, and the Teeth had no workto do.But after a day or two the Members began to find that theythemselves were not in a very active condition: the Hands couldhardly move, and the Mouth was all parched and dry, while the Legswere unable to support the rest.So thus they found that even theBelly in its dull quiet way was doing necessary work for the Body,and that all must work together or the Body will go to pieces.

Heres your fee schedule trolley bag

2008-06-17T00:17:00.000-07:00

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A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule."Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months."What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client."Your right. It's mine."

Unreasonable bill trolley bag

2008-06-17T00:15:00.000-07:00

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A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. -$50.00."

Youve changed my mind trolley bag

2008-06-17T00:13:00.001-07:00

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Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I?m beginning to think I didn?t."

Youve changed my mind trolley bag

2008-06-17T00:13:00.000-07:00

Some last minute requests trolley bag

2008-06-17T00:12:00.000-07:00

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A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."

Get money to heaven trolley bag

2008-06-17T00:09:00.000-07:00

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A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can?t take it with you."After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer?s wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

Brain transplant trolley bag

2008-06-17T00:08:00.000-07:00

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How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles."My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."

Sentenced trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:46:00.002-07:00

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A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed.The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."

Punsihment trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:46:00.001-07:00

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A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.'That's unfair!' he cried. 'I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.''Shut up,' barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork.'Who are you to question that woman's punishment?'

Lawyer Cross-Examines a Cop trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:45:00.000-07:00

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A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial. It went like this:Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.Q. Officer, who provided this description?A. The officer who responded to the scene.Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?A. Yes sir, with my life.Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then, officer -- do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?A. Yes sir, we do.Q. And do you have a locker in that room?A. Yes sir, I do.Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?A. Yes sir.Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?A. You see, sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

A Lawyer at the Pearly Gates trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:44:00.000-07:00

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A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

Mother-In-Law trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:41:00.000-07:00

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Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. He proclaimed, "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter." "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother- in-law."

Engineering Hell trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:40:00.000-07:00

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An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says: "Ah, you're an engineer, but you worked for a high-tech startup company and got rich. You've had too good of a life, so now you can't come in here."So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer is dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. The computers are all upgraded and there are speaker wires running to every room. Even the clocks on the VCRs are set. The engineer becomes a pretty popular guy.One day God calls up Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. The computers are faster than ever and we've got music in every room. There's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there! Send him back up here, now."Satan shouts back, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right... and just where are YOU going to find a lawyer?"

Insomniacs trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:39:00.001-07:00

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A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in, but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds, and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn. This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.

Insomniacs trolley bag

2008-06-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

Call on an Expert trolley bag

2008-06-10T20:09:00.001-07:00

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Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet when he accidently swallowed a quarter. He went crying to him mum, choking on the quarter. They took him to a doctor, who said that the quarter was impossible to remove without surgery, they consulted a specialist who was of the same opinion. Then came a man who said he could get the money out in a jiffy. He turned little Johnny upside down and patted him with great precision on the back of neck and, sure enough, the quarter rolled out. Everyone was amazed, the father said “You must be an expert!” The man replied, “No sir I'm just a tax collector.”

Part-time Job trolley bag

2008-06-10T20:08:00.001-07:00

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When my son was a high-school sophomore, he got a part-time job-- sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.我儿子在一所中学读二年级时，在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。 "How was your first day?" I asked.“第一天感觉如何？”我问。 "It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."“好极了，爸爸。”他答道，“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。” Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"由于斯蒂芬不擅言谈，我问道：“你跟他们说了些什么？” "Do you prefer paper or plastic?"“你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装”

My First and My Last trolley bag

2008-06-10T20:02:00.002-07:00

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When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks(做各种各样的特技飞行).
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."
They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.

A Smugglar trolley bag

2008-06-10T20:02:00.001-07:00

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The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.
"What's in here?" he asked.
"Dirt," the driver replied.
"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."
Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.
A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.
"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.
"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.
Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.
The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."
Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."

A Bad Impression trolley bag

2008-06-10T20:01:00.001-07:00

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Six people were travelling in a compartment on a train. Five of them were quiet and well behaved, but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other passengers. At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. None of the other passengers helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away and then opened the window and shouted to him, "You left something behind in the compartment!"(你把东西留在车厢里了!) Then he closed the window again. The young man truned around and hurried back with his two bags. He was very tired when he arrived, but he shouted through the window, "What did I leave behind?" As the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened the window and said, "A very bad impression!"

Keys? Kiss? trolley bag

2008-06-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

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A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects(日常用品) on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss(手足无措). Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

An Old Couple's Quarrel trolley bag

2008-06-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

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An Old Couple's Quarrel
A couple of codgers got into a quarrel and came before the local magistrate. The loser, turning to his opponent in a combative frame of mind（心绪,心情）, cried: "I'll law you to the Circuit Court."
"I'm willing," said the other.
"I'll law you to the Supreme Court."
"I'll be there."
"And I'll law the hell!"
"My attorney will be there," was the calm reply.

Whose Father Was the Stronger trolley bag

2008-06-03T00:05:00.000-07:00

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Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, “Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.”
Bill wasn't impressed, “Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it!”

Bet trolley bag

2008-06-03T00:04:00.000-07:00

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“ I want you to help me stop my son gambling. ” an anxious father said to his boy's principal. “ I don't know where he gets it from, but it's bet, bet, bet. ”
“ Leave it to me, ” said the principal.
A week later he phoned the boy's father. “ I think I've cured him,” he said.
“ How? ”
“ Well, I saw him looking at my beard and he said, ” I bet that's a false beard, “ How much? I said, and he said $ 5 ”
“ What happened ? ” asked the father.
“ Well he tugged my beard which is quite natural and I made him give me $5. I'm sure that'll teach him a lesson! ”
“ No, it won't,” said the father. “He bet me $10 on Monday that he'd pull your beard with your permission by the end of the week! ”

Goldfish trolley bag

2008-06-03T00:03:00.000-07:00

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Goldfish
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold them

they are very busy trolley bag

2008-06-03T00:02:00.000-07:00

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One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.
“ May I speak to your parents? ”
“ They're busy. ”
“ Oh. Is anybody else there? ”
“ The police. ”
“ Can I speak to them? ”
“ They're busy. ”
“ Oh. Is anybody else there? ”
“ The firemen. ”
“ Can I speak to them? ”
“ They're busy. ”
“ So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy? What are they doing? ”
“ Looking for me. ”

Send the Bill to My Father trolley bag

2008-06-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

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Doctor： ″I can do nothing for your complaint. It is hereditary.″
Patient： ″then send the bill to my father，please.″

I Need Your Football trolley bag

2008-06-02T23:59:00.000-07:00

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I Need Your Football
George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, “can Albert come out to play? ”
“ No,” said the mother, “it's too cold. ”
“ Well, then, ” said George, “ can his football come out to play ? ”

我敢保证他一定告诉您我超速了 trolley bag

2008-06-02T23:58:00.000-07:00

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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and hasthe following exchange:　　Officer:　　May I see your driver's license?　　Driver:　　I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.　　Officer:　　May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?　　Driver:　　It's not my car. I stole it.　　Officer:　　The car is stolen?　　Driver:　　That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.　　Officer:　　There's a gun in the glove box?　　Driver:　　Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed　the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.　　Officer:　　There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?　　Driver:　　Yes, sir.　　Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:　　Captain:　　Sir, can I see your license?　　Driver:　　Sure. Here it is ... It was valid.　　Captain:　　Who's car is this?　　Driver:　　It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card ... Thedriver owned the car.　　Captain:　　Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if　there's a gun in it?　　Driver:　　Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it ... Sure enough, therewas nothing in the glove box.　　Captain:　　Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said　there's a body in it.　　Driver:　　No problem ... Trunk is opened; no body.　　Captain:　　I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said　you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car,　had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead bodyin the trunk.　　Driver:　　Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too

Seeing-Eye Dog trolley bag

2008-06-02T23:57:00.000-07:00

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A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.　　The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog.　　A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"　　The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies,　　"To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."

两个疯子的对话 trolley bag

2008-06-02T23:56:00.000-07:00

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Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"　　Another one said, "How do you know?"　　The first inmate said, "God told me!"　　Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

are you sure you don't know me? trolley bag

2008-06-02T23:42:00.002-07:00

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It was the final examination for an introductory Englishcourse at the local university. Like many such freshmancourses, it was designed to weed out (清除）new students, having over 700 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided.　　The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.　　"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.　　"Yes I will," replied the student.　　He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. 1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.　　"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late."　　The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?"　　"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.　　"Are You sure that you don't know WHO I am?!" the student asked again.　　"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority. "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

A Gentleman trolley bag

2008-06-02T23:42:00.001-07:00

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Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.　　The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."　　"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"　　"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.　　"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".

Prepare Yourself trolley bag

2008-06-02T00:24:00.002-07:00

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A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."
Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."

Plagiarism trolley bag

2008-06-02T00:24:00.001-07:00

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Plagiarism
A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St. Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper. He summoned the student to his office. "This isn't your work." he said. "Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia.
"You cann't prove that!" the student sputtered.
My friend amiled and show him the paper. Circled in red was: "Also see article on communism."

Difference trolley bag

2008-06-02T00:23:00.001-07:00

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"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."

Promotion trolley bag

2008-06-02T00:22:00.001-07:00

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Promotion
Our son, Chris, is a premed student at Georgia Southern University in Statesboro. He is fortunate to have a job in the research lab, where they are studying Lyme disease. Recently he called home and told us that he had received a promotion. "Great!" I said. "You can always use more money."
There was a slight pause before Chris responded, "Well, I didn't exactly get more money. But they did give me more keys."

Who Is This trolley bag

2008-06-02T00:21:00.000-07:00

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Who Is This
My two sister and I were all away at various colleges at the same time. One day, after facing one crisis too many and tired of being treated like just another undergraduate, I phoned home for some consolation and understanding of my unique problems.
When my dad answered, I immediately launched into my litany of frustrations with college life. As I paused to catch my breath, he said, "O.K., honey...now, fist of all, who is this?"

One Point trolley bag

2008-06-02T00:20:00.000-07:00

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Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., and the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year －"62-63", "63-64", "64-65", etc.
One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"

Midway Tactics trolley bag

2008-05-29T01:37:00.000-07:00

Early Shopper trolley bag

2008-05-29T01:36:00.000-07:00

Three Whistles trolley bag

2008-05-29T01:35:00.000-07:00

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Three Whistles
I promised my girlfriend a gold necklace for her birthday, but when the jeweler quoted a price for one we liked, I let out a long, low whistle. "And how much are they then?" I asked, pointing to another tray.
"You, sir," replied the jeweler, "about three whistles."

How Much Is It? trolley bag

2008-05-29T01:34:00.000-07:00

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It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said, "Look, Joe! Isn't that beautiful!"
He then answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?" and took his money out to pay for it.
It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinking about other things, like a nice drink by the side of a warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, "Look at that beautiful moon, Joe!"
Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?"

I Am Acting Like a Lady trolley bag

2008-05-29T01:33:00.002-07:00

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I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.
"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

CD Player trolley bag

2008-05-29T01:33:00.001-07:00

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While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"
"That means," she said, "that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music."
"In other words this CD player plays CDs."
"Exactly."

Creative trolley bag

2008-05-29T01:32:00.001-07:00

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Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications. Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job.
I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed.

How Did You Ever Get Here trolley bag

2008-05-29T01:31:00.000-07:00

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How Did You Ever Get Here
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."
The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"
"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."

Imitate Birds trolley bag

2008-05-29T01:30:00.000-07:00

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A man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked the producer.
"Imitate birds," the man said.
"Are you kidding?" answered the producer, "People like that are a dime a dozen."
"Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window.

Sleeping Pills trolley bag

2008-05-29T01:27:00.000-07:00

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Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"

Clarinet trolley bag

2008-05-29T01:26:00.000-07:00

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Clarinet
When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board, and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold.
He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on board?" Scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinets are okay. Have a good trip," and, smiling, waved him on.